The Baby Blues

I love my life. I love my Nyla. I love my family.

There are dark hours, though, and the "baby blues" set in. Our doctor warned us about this feeling; he said most of the time it shows itself as depression. Some women have it last months on end, some have it for only a day or two. For me, I didn't have any signs of post-partum stuff for weeks.

Last week, this changed. I am very happy and satisfied with my life 98% of the day. But it seems like everyday for the last six or seven days, there has been a time span where I am completely unsatisfied with what life has given me. I am almost resentful of this life. Isn't that awful? How selfish of me! But I can't control it; I don't know when it's going to pop up. It just is.

I find myself getting very quiet and introverted during this period of baby blues. And as quickly as it comes,  it goes. But I feel awful during this time because I don't know why I'm feeling this way or what set it off. It doesn't happen at the same time everyday; sometimes it's first thing in the morning. Other days, it's in the evening.

This on-set of baby blues seems to coincide with my return to work. Maybe this post-partum business is happening because I returned to work? There's new emotions that came along with me being back to work. Maybe that's what set it off? Who knows?

My mom says that I need to just keep thinking positively and talk about it openly with my husband, which I have been doing. My friend at work encouraged me to put the smile on my face, even if it's fake, and make myself laugh. I think that's what I'll do the next time this dark period creeps up on me.

I don't like feeling bad right now. It seems almost rude to feel bad right now; how can I feel resentful when I have this precious angel here? But there are times I do feel bad. At least I'm not trying to bottle it up and deal with it myself. I know I would go crazy if I didn't have my husband to talk to about this. I'm hoping that this period of post-partum business is going to quickly come to a close. Crossing fingers!