I Thought This Would Pass

I was thinking the other day, when was the last time I hugged someone other than my husband and Nyla? And not just a hug bye or hello, just a hug for no reason? Our families are very loving and affectionate people, so this was a genuine concern for me. When I think back, I think my last "just because" hug was weeks ago. This made me a little sad because I miss those hugs. I miss that small time of attention. Who's all the attention directed at now? Miss Nyla.

Now I'm not trying to be selfish, because Nyla trumps everything right now. And that's totally okay with me! I just can't believe that there are times that I'm still struggling with being number 2 or 3 or 14 in our family. When Nyla was first born, I was mad because I was losing myself and it was an internal issue that I had to work through. But now, I feel like the forgotten person. I know Paul feels that way too sometimes.

You always hear parents, "oh it's great going to people's houses because they will take the baby for a few moments and you can have a rest." Yes, that is completely true. The support we get from both of our families is very appreciated. But along with that comes a sort of disregard for anything about you. It's always about the baby. We can damn near go to anyone of our family's houses, walk in, and it's like Nyla is just floating into the house...Paul and I are barely noticed. Thus, the forgotten.

Hm. I'm not complaining. I'm not even upset about it. It just occurred to me that that is our new life now. I don't mind it being about Nyla all the time; she is our world. She is the center of everything. I just think I'm in a time where I'm coming to grips with it. Sure, it may be a little late, as we're almost 9 months in, but that's okay. At least I'm recognizing it.

On another note, in the time since Nyla was born, I could also be super pregnant about to have another one. Isn't that the most horrific thought ever? Two going at once right now. Um, let's wait a little longer, thank you.