Last night Paul and I went through our nightly routine. Nyla gets a diaper change around 8:30, then it's time for rice cereal and whatever food we're eating this week (it's sweet potatoes right now), then a little 4 ounce bottle, then nighty-night Nyla! Usually, Nyla is very responsive to the food and goes right to sleep.
Last night, she was not into sleeping at all. This isn't really a problem on most days, but last night...man, it irritated me beyond reason. I was actually mad that she wasn't going to sleep. I couldn't even take joy in her squealing and moving around when we went back downstairs. I was so irritated.
Why? I have no idea. Maybe I was irritated at Nyla, maybe at Paul for going to sleep, maybe at the fact that I couldn't go to sleep, maybe at the fact that I wouldn't get my alone time that night. Who knows? I was irritated though. No smiling from me, no laughing, nothing.
Isn't that weird? Usually if I'm feeling grumpy, Nyla cheers me right up with her giggling and squirming. But last night, I was annoyed with it. I just wanted her to go to sleep. I guess I treasure my time at night; it's quiet and I am able to do what I want. But last night, I didn't get that and in my own way, I threw a fit. Hello, am I 5? Get over it, Elizabeth!
When I watch that show Teen Mom and the girls are always mad about their loss of freedom, I always roll my eyes thinking hello, you have a child now. Freedoms are gone. Now look at me, behaving just like a 15-year-old, yearning for past freedoms. And what a silly freedom I'm wanting: alone time at night. Quietness.
But isn't this the desire of all moms? Quiet time. Especially stay-at-home moms, who are surrounded by the chaos and noise of their children all day long. My dream come true right now is silence. Blissful silence. Last night when I didn't get that, my inner-self was angry.
But do not worry, after about an hour (yes, she was up that long), I was able to push out of my irritation and find happiness with being with my Nyla. And she answered my prayers last night by sleeping until 7:30 this morning. Whew!
Lesson for me: take deep breaths when things don't go your way. Hello, you have a child now. Freedoms are gone.
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