For the last two weeks, I've been having THE weirdest dreams, all revolving around Nylabear. For example, two nights ago, I dreamt that I was changing Nyla's diaper and she started peeing...and it wouldn't stop. It was like a tsunami of pee. What? How do you even begin to interpret that in a dream dictionary?
I've woken up almost every night in the middle of the night with no clue of where Nyla is. Every time, I ask Paul "Where's Nyla?" and I'm almost panic-stricken. Some nights, I will feel Paul start to turn over and I strong-arm him so that he can't move because I think Nyla is in the bed right in the middle of us. Every morning for the last two weeks, I've woken up to nurse her around 4 (this is normal) and every morning, I'm terrified that she's not breathing.
How weird this is! It's like the paranoia/panic/worrying has set in for me. I can't even describe the panic that I feel. I'm afraid I'm about to be the creeper mom who stands above the crib and intensely watches her chest rise up and down just so I know she's okay.
It's such a crazy feeling, too. This whole wave of weird emotions go through me: first I'm scared, then I panic, then I get really sad. But it all goes away once I know Nyla is okay in her crib. Now I can see how parents have their babies in the bed with them; it would give me a peace of mind having her there. But the last time we had her in bed, I was nursing her...and almost suffocated her with my boob. Hmm. Probably not the best idea.
We'll see how long this trend continues for me. Poor Paul has to put up with me pushing him in bed and demanding to know where the baby is at 2:30 in the morning. Thankfully, he's a good husband who just goes with the flow while his wife is having neurotic freak-outs.
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